19 Years in the Making, "You Tried" is Now Released

What? A real book. One that the average person might actually buy?

Yes. I’m still shocked too.

Introducing, You Tried: A Deadbeat’s Guide to Self-Actualization

This manuscript started life 19 years ago as an escape. A coping mechanism. Then I stopped believing in my writing and quit.

The bleakness of the COVID-19 lockdown made me start again. I wrote a couple of self-published TTRPG books, thinking they were a safe way to practice writing again. Fiction, mostly. Maps and monsters. Not personal.

But even as I wrote those, I could tell how much of my unresolved pain was seeping in. 'Chrysogon’s Coterie' contains a lot of me—splintered into dozens of characters, some noble, some petty, all carrying too much. That book revealed things I wasn’t ready to face. But I kept writing.

By the time my second book came out, I’d already finished a third. And was halfway through a fourth. Then I stopped again.

Because I realized how much of what I write still comes from the same places: anxiety, anger, depression, insecurity. I decided to revisit the book I never finished. The one I abandoned before any of the others.

I did. And this is it.

It’s not the same book it was back then. I’ve had almost 20 more years of wrangling my demons. The anger’s softened. The bitterness too. It’s easier for me to read now. Less painful to write.

But I didn’t expect it to be quite so... listy.

If you notice a heavy reliance on lists, please know that wasn’t a stylistic decision so much as a survival strategy. Lists are how I think. They keep me organized. Help me remember the things I forget.

They’re also how I avoid thinking too hard. They got me through the days when writing paragraphs was too much and coherence felt like a myth. Lists trick my brain into believing it’s being linear, even when it’s just pacing in a circle.

Also: prose is hard. Bullet points are shaped like soft little shields.

If you’re neurodivergent, overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, or just short on dopamine—this book is for you.

If you’re not?

This book is still for you. You might just need to squint in sympathy.