Sadly, Rogers is in charge of installing my TekSavvy service and Rogers' support claimed that my house had been subdivided into many small apartments and they could not arrange the installation of Tek's service without specifying which apartment.
Truth: This house was, at one time, subdivided into many illegal apartments.
However: The City of Ottawa put a stop to it 5 years ago, prior to us buying the house. It was converted back, and Rogers has been our service provider for the entire time we've lived here at the "restored" address.
I suppose I should feel fortunate that it only took ~40 minutes of cross-debate between me, Tek and Rogers to establish that service could be installed at a single address... and I only had to provide my account number to prove that Rogers had already been billing me at this address for the last 5 years.
So, I'll be getting my service after all, and I only had to prove my own existence to do it.
P.S. for TekSavvy: A less threatening, more descriptive email notification would be appreciated.
UPDATE: Tek is again reporting that Rogers is still confused over the “multiple units” issue, and that an in-person look at the house may be needed to verify it’s not an apartment. They’ve sent another email to Rogers explaining that the house was converted back many years ago. They will update me again within 48 hours.
The only thing missing from this experience is "Hotel California" as the theme music.