Lies My Mind Told Me


Who chooses to die by suicide? Too many continue to perpetuate the stigma that discourages people from seeking help: that it stems from personal defect or disease; that it's a path only contemplated by the faithless, the weak, and the insane.

The truth is that those who make this decision are known to us: family, friends, colleagues, and idols. Good and talented people. Gentle and loving people.

They are not eager to end their lives so much as to see an end to the suffering they are experiencing. That they took such a drastic measure only tells us that from the individual's own perception, all other possibilities were exhausted. What could make them think this?

As a podcaster and a registered social worker formerly employed in the mental health field, I wanted to craft an immersive vignette to put an average listener into the mind of a person considering ending their life. A good person, slowly succumbing to a lifetime's worth of bad thoughts.

It's a dark story. If you wait for light at the end, you'll be disappointed. Sometimes there is no winning. Just a stalemate. Temporary escape.

Depression feels like this. Utter helplessness. Like being staked to the ground. Your body feels empty. Your limbs feel powerless.

You can lift your head sometimes, but it’s weighed down by all your thoughts and experiences in totality. Old memories; new anxieties. They coalesce like a tumour.

The doubts in your head can be vociferous, but even when they speak quietly, they’re cruel.

Suicidal thoughts are the quietest. They don’t shout, they beguile.
  • If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, don't keep them to yourself. Bring others into the conversation. A friend. A family member. A doctor. A helper on a crisis line. If you're not ready to talk, please read about the options: eMentalHealth.ca has a wealth of information.
  • If you suspect that someone is considering suicide, talk to them.  About 80 percent of those at risk send out warning signs.


Listen to "Going Nowhere - Lies My Mind Told Me", and try to imagine that this is you.

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